Blonde Jokes

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. Officer: May icer:
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A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding. Officer: May i see your license? Lady: what does it look like? Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it. The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. The officer opens it up and says "if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to stshed
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The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we’ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.

A blonde went into a world wide message centre (PCO) to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it ld
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A blonde went into a world wide message centre (PCO) to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $30, she exclaimed: “I don`t have any money. But I`d do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother”. The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect), “Anything?” he asked. “Yes, yes, anything” the blonde promised. “Well then, just follow me”, said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. “Come in and close the door” the man said. She did. He then said “Now get on your knees.” She did. “Now take down my zipper”.She did. “Now go ahead … take it out ….” he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands … then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered “Well… go ahead”. The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and, while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said…….. Hello? Ma? Can you hear me?”

After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women’s outing found themselves hanging perilously from asly
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After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women’s outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others. Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap. To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them. After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she’d gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping!

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway. As he came home from work she was just jumping for joy. He didny.
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A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway. As he came home from work she was just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her. When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!" She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, and told him that she was pregnant! He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!" He asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive."

A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. Happened.
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A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them it had happened at church. They didn't believe him, and wanted to know what really happened. So he told them, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her. She did not like that, so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day. The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack." At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't pull her dress out of her crack again?" "No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that, so I shoved it back in."

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes den
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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any." replied the first blonde. "Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"

A blonde went out on a date with her boyfriend to the movies. After the movie he took her to Lookout Mountain, parked th
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A blonde went out on a date with her boyfriend to the movies. After the movie he took her to Lookout Mountain, parked the car and started to kiss her. As things progressed they started fondling each other. Before long they were ready to make love. He asked her if she would like to get in the back seat. She said, "no." He unbuttoned her blouse and began fondling her breasts and once again he asked her if she would like to get in the back seat. Again she said, "no". As more and more of her clothing came off he became really hot and excited. Once again he asked her "Would you like to get in the back seat?" And again she said, "no". Frustrated he asked "Why not?" To which she replied "I want to stay in the front seat with you."