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Funny Jokes
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3rd Wish
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.s
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A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irrestible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
Bad News
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother s
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A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."
The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away."
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man.
"She's on the roof and won't come down."
Confession
'Before we get married,' said a man to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.
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'Before we get married,' said a man to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.'
'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago,' replied the girl.
'Yes, darling,' man explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'
In Restaurant
In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody tt
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In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".
When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".
Driving Backwards
On a narrow mountain road a man sees a police car driving uphill backwards.
- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?
ckwards?
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On a narrow mountain road a man sees a police car driving uphill backwards.
- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?
- Because we are not sure that we will find a place to make a u-turn on the top of the mountain.
After one hour the same man sees the same police car driving downhill backwards again.
- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?
- We found a place to make a u-turn up there.
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Who will take the money
Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Whoround.
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Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?
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The stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don’t exist.
Shoes Problem
A policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His boss starts to yell at him:
- You are ruini
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A policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His boss starts to yell at him:
- You are ruining police reputation, go home and change the shoes.
The policeman goes home, and comes back after a while.
- Boss I have a problem, the other pair of shoes at home are black and white, too.
Irish Wedding & Funeral
Q - What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A - One less drunk at the funeral.
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Q - What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A - One less drunk at the funeral.
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