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Medical Jokes
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Chances
A patient was suffering from a diseases and he was badly in trouble so he went to the doctor and asked,
Patient : “whatnt
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A patient was suffering from a diseases and he was badly in trouble so he went to the doctor and asked,
Patient : “what are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “one hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.
Three Patients
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass ents
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Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
“Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”
How to Determine
The health minister is visiting a psychiatric ward. He asks the head of psychology, “How do you determine if a patient i
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The health minister is visiting a psychiatric ward. He asks the head of psychology, “How do you determine if a patient is cured.”
The psychologist explains:
“We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub.”
“I see,” says the health minister, “The cured person would choose the cup because it`s bigger, and would empty the tub faster.”
“Actually no,” replies the psychologist, “A normal person would simply pull the plug.”
Brain ka Operation
Doctor ek patient ke peechhe bhag raha tha…
Ek aadmi ne puchha kya hua?
Doctor : Are yaar char bar aisa hua hai s
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Doctor ek patient ke peechhe bhag raha tha…
Ek aadmi ne puchha kya hua?
Doctor : Are yaar char bar aisa hua hai sala brain ka operation karwana aata hai aur baal katwake chala jata hai.
Good and Bad News
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: Whatient:
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Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
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Hearing Problem
A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. Whato
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A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
Cause
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankint.
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As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
Live Longer
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
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Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
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