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Office Jokes
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Signalman Job
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
l
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Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.”
“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there”, answers Tom.
“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.
“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been vandalized?”
“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”
Disappointed Salesman
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successfu
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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.
Second, the man is drinking our Cola and
Third, our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
“That should have worked,” said the friend.
The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”
Hot Shot
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
ques.
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
Smart Dogs
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.
One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, thuntant,
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Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.
One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart.
The accountant said that his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said,”Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each.
Everyone agreed that that was good.
The chemist said that his dog could do better still.he called to his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.
Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, “What can your dog do?”
The government worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker’ compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
They all agreed that that was brilliant!
SAINT or ...
Long back,
A person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called “SAINTled
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Long back,
A person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called “SAINTS”
But now they are called….
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“IT professionals/ Logistics Professionals”
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You and Boss
When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
When you don’t do it, you’r
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When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you’re a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it ’s because he’s overworked.
Who are you
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the
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A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?
“No” replied the trainee.
“It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”
The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”
“No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.
“Thank God!” replied the trainee and kept the phone down…..
Government Employee
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted h
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A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.
“I’d love an ice-cold beer right now,” he told the genie.
Poof! A beer appeared.
Next, the man said, “I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women.”
Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.
“Oh, man this is the life,” the guy thought. “I wish I never had to work again.”
And poof! He was back at his desk in the government office!
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