Political Jokes

One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along thg
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One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river. After cleaning up he said, “Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I’ll give it to you.” The first boy said, “Please, I’d like a ticket to Disneyland!” “I’ll personally hand it to you,” said Bush. “I’d like a pair of Nike Air Turbos,” the second boy said. “I’ll buy them myself and give them to you,” said Bush. “And I’d like a wheelchair with a stereo in it,” said the third boy. “I’ll personally … wait a second, son, you’re not handicapped!” “No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning.”

Application Form For Lok Sabha Election 1. Name of Candidate: ____________ 1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________
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Application Form For Lok Sabha Election 1. Name of Candidate: ____________ 1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________ 2.Present Address: (i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________ (ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________ 3.Political Party: ____________ _________ *List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order) 4.Nationality: [ ] A- Italian B- Indian 5.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more) A- Defected B- Expelled C- Bought out D- None of above E- All of above 6.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more) A- To make money B- To escape court trial C- To grossly misuse power D- To serve the public E- I have no clue (If you choose “D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized Government Psychiatrist) 7.How many years of public service experience do you possess? A- 1-2 yrs B- 2-6yrs C- 6-15yrs D- 15+yrs 8.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want) 9.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ] (Do not confuse with question 8) A- 1-2 years B- 2-6 years C- 6-15 years D- 15+years 10.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ] A- Why not B- Of Course C- Definitely D- I deny it all E- I see a foreign hand. 11. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ] A- 100-500 Crores B- 500-1000 Crores C- Overflow… (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees) 12. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ] A- No B- No C- No D- No 13.Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________] Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India.

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir rand
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An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.The Emir was angry and shouted " Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?". "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "white man sit on well." (the shit pot!)

You know you work for the government when: * The process becomes more important than the product. * You don'&
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You know you work for the government when: * The process becomes more important than the product. * You don''t see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about. * You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there. * You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them. * You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money. * You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.

Barbara Walters filed a report on gender roles in Kuwait a few years prior to the Gulf War, and noted then that, in tradt,
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Barbara Walters filed a report on gender roles in Kuwait a few years prior to the Gulf War, and noted then that, in traditional Islamic fashion, women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. Recently, Barbara returned to Kuwait and observed that the MEN now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the Kuwaiti women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," Barbara said. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines."

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. sophy
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While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" "Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass." Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"

The President was looking for a call girl and he found three such ladies in a local bar: a blonde, a redhead, and a brunand
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The President was looking for a call girl and he found three such ladies in a local bar: a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. To the blonde he said "I am the President of the United States of America. How much will it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied, "For you, Mr. President, it will cost $500." To the Redhead he asked the same question. She replied "I will spend all the time you want for $1,000." When he approached the brunette he asked the same question and she said, "If you can raise my skirt as high as you've raised my taxes, and can get your pants as low as my wages, and get that thing of yours as hard as times are now, and screw me as well as you do the public, believe me, it won't cost you a damn thing!"

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with onte
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Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5" thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all. Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."