Sardar Jokes

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Ticket Please (Sardar Jokes)
Perwez Musharraf and his wife are travelling in USA when they meet Santa Singh who is also travelling with his wife on a holiday. They start talking and realise that both are going to take the same train the next day. At the station Perwez buys tickets for himself and his wife. However he notices that Santa Singh buys a single ticket. "How are two people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks Pervez. "Just watch and youll see!" answers Santa. They all board the train and the Musharrafs take their seats and watch as Santa and his wife cram into a nearby restroom and close the door. The train departs and shortly afterwards the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Musharrafs see all this and agree that it is a clever idea to save some money. So on their return trip, they decide to copy the Singhs. They purchase a single ticket for the return trip, but to their astonishment, the Singhs do not buy even one ticket. "How are you going to travel without even a single ticket?" says Musharraf. "Just watch and youll see!" answers Santa. They again board the train. This time the Musharrafs cram into a restroom and the Singhs cram into an another restroom nearby. Shortly after the train moves, Santa leaves his restroom, walks over to the restroom where the Musharrafs are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".

How Many Pencils? (Sardar Jokes)
When Santa was a kid he was not too good with arithmetic so his father sent him to a tutor: Tutor: If I give you two pencils, and two pencils, and another two pencils, how many pencils have you got? Santa: SEVEN! Tutor: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two pencils, and two pencils, and another two pencils, how many pencils have you got? Santa: SEVEN! Tutor: Lets try this another way. If I give you two apples, and two apples, and another two apples, how many apples have you got? Santa: SIX! Tutor: Good! Now, if I give you two pencils, and two pencils, and another two pencils, how many pencils have you got? Santa: SEVEN! Tutor: How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two pencils is seven? Santa: Ive already got one pencil at home!

Challan for Helmet (Sardar Jokes)
Cow par baithe ek sardar ko traffic police ne rok kar kaha: Aap ka helmet nahi hai..?? Chalan hoga..!! Sardar: Dhyan se dekh neeche andhe four wheeler hai.

Good News (Sardar Jokes)
Sardar ki promotion ho gayi exective se manager ban gaya. Wo ghar gaya aur bivi ko naye style main bataya ‘tu aaj raat manager naal soye gi’ Bivi behosh.

Who is an Ass? (Sardar Jokes)
Santa singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne wala gadha" (One who reads it, is an ass.) Santa singh thought for an hour, erased and wrote back, "Likhene waala gadha" (One who wrote it is an ass)

Play Left Handed (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc. Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500"? Santa: "But you are too damn good". Gary: "Ill play left handed". Santa can't resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8 Moves ....... Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane. Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov. Banta: "You are an absolute fool Santa." Santa: "Why"? Banta: "You fool, Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed".

Magical Machine (Sardar Jokes)
Joginder Singh was at the International Airport at Delhi along with his wife and two sons to catch a flight to Abu Dhabi, as he had got a job there. He saw a machine with various colorful bulbs glowing, which had a message stating "Insert One Rupee coin and I will speak the truth". Joginder inserted a coin then the machine said "Your name is Joginder Singh and you are catching a flight to Abu Dhabi". Then his wife inserted a coin and the machine said "Your name is Smt. Joginder Singh and you are catching a flight to Abu Dhabi". He experimented with histwo sons and got truthful replies. Joginder still could not believe this so he again inserted a one Rupee coin in the machine . The machine said "You are Joginder Singh and you have just missed the flight to Abu Dhabi".

Backward Direction (Sardar Jokes)
Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction. This event really harrased the social nature of sardarji and then he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward direction . While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him and asked "Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho"

Sardar Answer (Sardar Jokes)
Q. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..? A: Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

Wife's Death (Sardar Jokes)
Ek Sardarji apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja rahe the ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru ho gayi. Sardar bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai.

Wanting Twins (Sardar Jokes)
A SARDAR wanted TWINS......... So what did he do? THINK.... . . . . . . . . . THINK.... . . . . . . . . THINK.... . . . . . . . . . THINK.... . . . . . . . . . THINK.... . . . . . . . . . THINK.... . . . . . . . . . He made 2 holes in the CONDOM !!!

Where is the fat? (Sardar Jokes)
Mr. Banta went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items. Banta asked "Where is the fat?" The person didn't understand what singh was saying and said "Excuse me sir, FAT???" Banta: "Yes Fat, Give me the fat" Banta started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Banta about the problem. Banta said Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me the fat.

My Father (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other. Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal? Banta Singh : Yes, I have. Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it. Banta Singh : Thats nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea? Santa Singh : Yes, I have. Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.

Sacrifice (Sardar Jokes)
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt. Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved." All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea. Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea. After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted, "Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal" "wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh" "Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman" "jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di" "Jai jawan jai kissan " and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai" And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.

Kargil War! (Sardar Jokes)
The Sikh regiment was climbing a hill in the Kargil sector during the war when suddenly from the direction of the summit the Pakistani regiment opened fire on them. The Sikh regiment took cover behind boulders and started to return the firing. The firing continued for a long time and no progress was made so the Sikh regiment's captain thought that since the names of almost all the pakistani soldiers are like Yusuf Iqbal Mustafa etc. he'll call out their names and the moment they react to the call we'll shoot them. So he started calling out-"Yusuf" four hands shot up and they were gunned down. Then the captain called out-"Iqbal" three hands shot up and they were gunned down this continued for a few more minutes till the Pakistani's got wise and stopped responding. The Pakistani captain then thought that at this rate all his men would be killed so he adopted the strategy of the Sikh captain and thought that all Sikhs have names rhyming with Inder like Sukhwinder, Devender, Jaswinder etc. So the Pakistani captain started calling out "Sukhwinder" no hands shot up from the Indian side. The Pakistani captain again called out-"Sukhwinder" still no hands shot up. The Pakistani captain called out the same name twice again when instantly came the reply that- "Oye Sukhwinder nu kaun yaad kar-riya si?" (who is remembering Sukhwinder?). The Pakistani commander immediately shot up his hand and said- "Main" (me) and BANG he was shot dead.

Affair with a horse (Sardar Jokes)
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.' His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.' Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'

What's the time (Sardar Jokes)
A lady was shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very western accent to our Santa (owner).... What's the time?? Santa is a very patriotic man and hates English accent while speaking.. So he replies back in the same accent........ Bra-panties!! Confused the lady asks again......... No! No! What's the time?? Santa again answers back.......... Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!! Seeing the confusion going between the two another man comes to the rescue of the lady and says....... O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!! Kudi twade ko time puuch rahii hai gayee!! Angry Santa shots back at him......... Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis(12:35)

Scaring kids... (Sardar Jokes)
Our Santa gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I m having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Balvinder is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" Our Santa slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor. "You bastard," says Santa, "my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

Disease? (Sardar Jokes)
Santa went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. Santa took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to your feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." Santa then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"

In the heaven (Sardar Jokes)
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Dharam Raj told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. DharamRaj said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...." Dharam Raj lets him in without another word.