HIDDEN CAMERAS
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Preeto caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Preeto: 'What are you s
Preeto caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Preeto: 'What are you searching for?'
Santa: 'Hidden cameras!'
Preeto: 'And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?'
Santa: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching MTV! How does he know that?'
Banta in France
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out of school for several years. He had established a furniture store ure
Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out of school for several years. He had established a furniture store and was doing quite well. He decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town carried.
He scheduled a buying trip to France. Banta's first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home. After the arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.
The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table. Just about the time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on her face.
He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head "yes." The girl sat down with him. The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word of French. He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not one word of Punjabi. He had an idea. He took a napkin and drew a wine glass and a question mark. She nodded her head "yes." They sat quietly enjoying their wine.
When it was just about finished, Banta realised it was nearly time for dinner. He took another napkin and drew a picture of two people at a table eating dinner. She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand. She led him down the street to a very nice restaurant. They went in. The girl spoke with the head waiter and they were seated in a quiet corner where they could hear the band playing and see the dance floor. Banta could not read the menu since it was in French, so he allowed the girl to order for him. The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.
After dinner, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.
She nodded her head "yes" and they danced to every song the band played, whether fast or slow. When the band quit playing and began to pack away their instruments, the couple returned to their table.
The girl took a napkin and reached for Banta's pen. He handed it to her and she drew a picture of a four poster bed..........!
Banta is still wondering to this day how she knew he was in the furniture business!
Santa's Dream
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
m
Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Santa: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Santa: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Santa: It said "P u l l"
Miser Sardars
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Santa - "I am such a miser that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money."
Banta - "Tha
Santa - "I am such a miser that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money."
Banta - "Thats nothing I sent my wife with my friend and saved full money."
Donation
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Banta's son: Dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a swimming pool.
Banta: Give him a glass of water.
Banta's son: Dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a swimming pool.
Banta: Give him a glass of water.
Birthday Gift
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Santa meets Banta shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift wrapped box.
"It's my wife Preeto'Preeto's
Santa meets Banta shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift wrapped box.
"It's my wife Preeto's birthday tomorrow." Banta said. "Last week I asked her what she wanted for her birthday."
"And ?" Santa asked.
"Well, she said 'Oh, I don't know - just give me something with diamonds in it'."
"So what did you get her?" asked Santa.
Banta replies, "I bought her a deck of cards!"
Santa's Organ!
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Santa and Preeto got married and had a baby every year or less. After having their 11th child, the couple told the docto
Santa and Preeto got married and had a baby every year or less. After having their 11th child, the couple told the doctor that they were going to stop having babies as soon as they could figure out what was causing them.
The doctor suggested to Santa that he try covering the organ before they made love.
Sure enough, it wasn't long before Preeto was pregnant again. The doctor asked Santa if he had tried covering his organ like he had suggested they do.
Santa replied, "We don't have an organ, Doc, but I did throw a blanket over the piano."
|
Curd
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Once Santa Singh invites an Englishman for lunch, there was curd kept on the table.
The Englishman asks santa what inta
Once Santa Singh invites an Englishman for lunch, there was curd kept on the table.
The Englishman asks santa what is it?
Santa Singh not knowing english replies, "Milk sleeping in night and morning becoming tight".
Chal Dhanno..
show Full Sardar Jokes..
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, the local farmer Santa Singh came to help with
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, the local farmer Santa Singh came to help with his big strong female horse named Dhanno.
He hitched Dhanno up to the car and yelled, "chal, Rani, chal!" Dhanno didn't move.
Then Santa hollered, "chal, Savitri, chal !" Dhanno didn't respond.
Once more Santa commanded, "chal, Chameli, chal!" Nothing.
Then Santa nonchalantly said, "chal, Dhanno, chal!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked Santa why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
Santa said, "Oh, Dhanno is blind and if she thought she was the only one pulling, she wouldn't even try!"
How Santa Looks in the Mirror
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Why did Santa Singh look into the mirror with his eyes closed?
Because he wanted to see how he looked when he was sleeping.
Why did Santa Singh look into the mirror with his eyes closed?
Because he wanted to see how he looked when he was sleeping.
Horrible Book
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Santa Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, 'I have a complaint!'
'Yes, sir?' sir?'
Santa Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, 'I have a complaint!'
'Yes, sir?'
'I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!'
'What was wrong with it?'
'It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!'
The librarian nodded and said, 'Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.'
Santa & Banta Fixing Dents!
show Full Sardar Jokes..
Santa was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
His car was covered with dend
Santa was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
His car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner decided to have some fun with Mr. Santa He told him just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, Mr. Santa went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. He blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
His roommate, Banta, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
Santa told him how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Banta rolled her eyes and said ... "HELLLLO, Dont be stupid. First....You need to roll up all the windows"
|
|
Banta Interview (Sardar Jokes)
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad.... Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't Take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer : ....!!!!!!!
Santa Travelling (Sardar Jokes)
Once Santa was travelling by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next one.
When the train reached Bombay, one of Santa's co-passengers got curious and asked him, "Why did you do that. You could have bought a single ticket for the entire trip."
"My doctor has advised me not to go on a long journey," replied Santa.
Power Failure (Sardar Jokes)
Banta Singh stuck on an elevator
Santa Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.
Banta Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 4 hrs.
Santa Mathematics (Sardar Jokes)
SANTA SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Santa Singh: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Santa Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
Same Lunch (Sardar Jokes)
Once a bengali -Mr Sorabjit Chakroborty, a madrasi- Mr Vengaswami Iyer and a sardar- Santa Singh used to work in an office which was on the 20th floor of a building...so everyday they used to bring their lunch.
Mr Chakroborty used to bring fish and rice, Mr Iyer brought vada samber and Santa Singh used to bring paranthas in their lunch.. everyday they used to bring the same food in the office... all three were very sad coz their wives used to give them the same food everyday.. one day all the three decided that if they get the same food the next day also they will jump out of the window of their office which was at the 20th floor and commit suicide and also left a suicide note.
On the next day with same lunch (as was expected) all three jumped out of the window and died.. on the day of the funeral of the trio, Mrs Chakroborty and Mrs Iyer were crying and said "why didn't they tell us we could have had made them something different. Why did he leave me?"
At this Mrs Santa Singh also crying said "I don't know why he jumped as he himself used to cook the food."
Building A Tunnel (Sardar Jokes)
When tenders were floated for the channel tunnel to connect England & France, many international building companies vied with one another to get the contract. The stakes were very high, the job of digging building expertise.
Tenders were opened by the Board of Directors of the Anglo-French corporation which had taken on the project. British builders' estimates were over 200 million dollar, each, French and German builders were marginally lower.
There was one from India: Singh & Singh Builders whose estimate was only 5 million dollars. The Board was for ignoring the Indian tender but out of curiosity invited Singh & Singh over to discuss the plans.
Banta Singh & Santa Singh of Singh & Singh Builders appeared before the Board. The Chairman asked them "Have you any experience of undertaking this kind of work?"
"Indeed we have," replied the two Singhs, "we bored a lot of tubewells in the Punjab & Haryana. We can bore holes anywhere."
"This is not as simple. How will you connect the tunnel from the English side to the French?" "Simple," replied Santa Singh, "Banta Singh will dig from the French end and I from the English."
The Chairman was flabbergasted. "You don't realise that it will need a lot of accurate calculation to get the two tunnels to meet at the same point under the channel. Other companies' estimates are over 200 million dollars each & you think you can do the same job for 5 million dollars. How will that be possible?"
"What is bothering you?" demanded Singh and Singh, "if our two tunnels don't meet, instead of one we will give you two tunnels.
Two tickets more (Sardar Jokes)
A MAN appeared at the box office of a cinema and bought two tickets.
A few minutes later he returned and bought two more.
When, after a short interval, he appeared a third time and offered to pay for two more, the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up.
'Aren't you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a little while ago?' she asked, puzzled. 'Yes,' replied Banta Singh plaintively,
'But there's some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!'
Interview of a Sardar (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh Then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites.
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our sardar also shouts)
#Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
Reply in English (Sardar Jokes)
Santa ji naukri dhoond rahe they, India mein toe kahi se call aayee nahin...yahaan toe compniya mere standard kee nahin hai khair!!
Ab aaayee videsh ki baari... wahan se to ji pehali baar mein hi reply aa gaya. Bade khush...daru-sharu di party de dali. Dost poocchne lagge ki, bhai, bata to kon si company hai, kitni salary hai....
Santa: English main letter aayeaa hai, main tuhanu translate kar ke batata haaan
.. Tau suno kya likhya hai..
"You Do not meet"
tum to milte hi nahin ho...bahut busy ho.
"our requirements"
Humhe to bahut zarooorat hai.
"no further correspondence"
Aage chitthi patri di jarurat nahin hai, jaise bhi ho jaldi se aa jao
"will be entertained"
Bahut khatir ki jayegi.
Interview (Sardar Jokes)
Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good job.
Santa singh says, OK next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day, Santa singh says, first I will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, I would give you all answers and questions. So you go and then answer there. You will get the Job. So, Santa goes in.
EMPLOYER: When we got independence?
SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What's India's population?
SANTA: (He was not to reply last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.
Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.
Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions. He goes in Now.
EMPLOYER: When were you born?
BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: What?? Who is your father?
BANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: Employer is upset now. Are you mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.
Hot and Cold (Sardar Jokes)
Santa goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." Santa then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." Santa says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It s a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
Santa replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
Kaun Banega Crorepate with Santa Singh (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh is the aggresive participant on Kaun Banega Crorepati.
Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal:
Who is India's Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! Saale, ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!
Pet Names (Sardar Jokes)
Santa was invited to Banta's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Jalebi, Honey, Pyaari, Darling, Sweetheart etc. He was impressed, since the couple had been married almost 40 years.
While the wife was in the kitchen, Santa said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call bhabhiji those pet names."
Banta hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."
Santa Singh - The English Teacher (Sardar Jokes)
This one is about Santa Singhji... our English lecturer
Santa Singh ji is the English teacher in a school. He is very well renowned, since all his students do very well in exams.
The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the English class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA"
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA"
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN"
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious. He confronts the principal and shouts at him "What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an English class and what he is saying is GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH.
The principle too is shocked, Santa Singh the famous English teacher doing this. He immediately sends for for Santa Singh.
Principal : "Santa singh ji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes I was telling all this in class, but I was only teaching the students the spellings of "ASSASSINATION".
Banta Singh's Job Interview!!! (Sardar Jokes)
BANTA Singh went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw his colourful attire and gold and white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming."
NOT Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Singh. So he told Singh, If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK".
Singh thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN,GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW ...BLUE's that ? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number, lah.... Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thank You."
The Manager fainted.
First Child? (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!" Santa shouted. "This is her husband!"
Oye Santa Singh!!! (Sardar Jokes)
Once Sardarji was travelling in a train, a man came and slapped him by shouting,"oye Santa Singh teri aisi ki taisi". The man again slaps Sardarji by shouting out the same words.
This goes on for at least 15 times, the sitting beside Sardarji asks him as to why he (Santa Singh) was not slapping the man. Santa Singh replied,"MY NAME IS NOT SANTA SINGH!!!!!!!!".
Urine Test (Sardar Jokes)
One day Santa went to a testing laboratory with a sample of urine in a bottle to get the same tested for diabetes. He waited at the lab till the test was carried out. After about half an hour the lab technician told that the test for suggests No diabetes to the patient.
Then Santa was joyful and requested the Lab people to make a phone call to his house. He rang up his house and told Beta Banta, the urine test suggests that neither you, nor your mom and nor I have diabetes at all. So just stay back and relax.
Free! (Sardar Jokes)
Once Santa Singh went to a shop to buy a can of cooking oil. After he paid the money, he demanded: "Now, give me my cholestrol"
Shop keeper amused : "what"
"Don't act smart with me" Santa Said, it's printed clearly on the can that "cholestrol free"
Banta Driving (Sardar Jokes)
Banta bought a brand new maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar to Jalandhar to meet his friend.
He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there he decided to return and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day.
When he finally reached home on the third day his distraught mother ran out hugged him an asked,"Arre puttar kya hoya??" Banta got out tired and said, "Oy ye Maruti wale pagal hain, agge janne ke leye chaar gear banaate hain aur pichche jane ke leye sirf ek!"
|
