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Pet Names
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Santa was invited to Banta's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife wits
Santa was invited to Banta's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Jalebi, Honey, Pyaari, Darling, Sweetheart etc. He was impressed, since the couple had been married almost 40 years.
While the wife was in the kitchen, Santa said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call bhabhiji those pet names."
Banta hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."
Santa Singh - The English Teacher
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This one is about Santa Singhji... our English lecturer
Santa Singh ji is the English teacher in a school. He is ver
This one is about Santa Singhji... our English lecturer
Santa Singh ji is the English teacher in a school. He is very well renowned, since all his students do very well in exams.
The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the English class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA"
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA"
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN"
Santa Singh : "Bolo bachon GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious. He confronts the principal and shouts at him "What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an English class and what he is saying is GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH.
The principle too is shocked, Santa Singh the famous English teacher doing this. He immediately sends for for Santa Singh.
Principal : "Santa singh ji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes I was telling all this in class, but I was only teaching the students the spellings of "ASSASSINATION".
Banta Singh's Job Interview!!!
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BANTA Singh went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw his colourful attire and gold and white-hig
BANTA Singh went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw his colourful attire and gold and white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming."
NOT Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Singh. So he told Singh, If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK".
Singh thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN,GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW ...BLUE's that ? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number, lah.... Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thank You."
The Manager fainted.
First Child?
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Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!tes
Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!" Santa shouted. "This is her husband!"
Oye Santa Singh!!!
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Once Sardarji was travelling in a train, a man came and slapped him by shouting,"oye Santa Singh teri aisi ki taisii
Once Sardarji was travelling in a train, a man came and slapped him by shouting,"oye Santa Singh teri aisi ki taisi". The man again slaps Sardarji by shouting out the same words.
This goes on for at least 15 times, the sitting beside Sardarji asks him as to why he (Santa Singh) was not slapping the man. Santa Singh replied,"MY NAME IS NOT SANTA SINGH!!!!!!!!".
Urine Test
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One day Santa went to a testing laboratory with a sample of urine in a bottle to get the same tested for diabetes. He wates.
One day Santa went to a testing laboratory with a sample of urine in a bottle to get the same tested for diabetes. He waited at the lab till the test was carried out. After about half an hour the lab technician told that the test for suggests No diabetes to the patient.
Then Santa was joyful and requested the Lab people to make a phone call to his house. He rang up his house and told Beta Banta, the urine test suggests that neither you, nor your mom and nor I have diabetes at all. So just stay back and relax.
Free!
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Once Santa Singh went to a shop to buy a can of cooking oil. After he paid the money, he demanded: "Now, give me mygive
Once Santa Singh went to a shop to buy a can of cooking oil. After he paid the money, he demanded: "Now, give me my cholestrol"
Shop keeper amused : "what"
"Don't act smart with me" Santa Said, it's printed clearly on the can that "cholestrol free"
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Banta Driving
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Banta bought a brand new maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar to Jalandhar to meet his friend.
He reached e
Banta bought a brand new maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar to Jalandhar to meet his friend.
He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there he decided to return and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day.
When he finally reached home on the third day his distraught mother ran out hugged him an asked,"Arre puttar kya hoya??" Banta got out tired and said, "Oy ye Maruti wale pagal hain, agge janne ke leye chaar gear banaate hain aur pichche jane ke leye sirf ek!"
Phone Call
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Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One dayr.
Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes. "What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.
Parking Fine
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Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to sahing
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices," said Banta Singh." It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
Invitation for Lunch
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Once Santa Singh called Banta Singh for a hearty lunch. Banta Singh arrived promptly on time and was surprised to see th
Once Santa Singh called Banta Singh for a hearty lunch. Banta Singh arrived promptly on time and was surprised to see the door locked. Then he saw a note which said, "Kaise ullu banaya!"
Banta Singh was terribly furious, therefore thinking himself to be smart stuck a note saying, "Main to aaya hi nahein"
Method to Catch a Lion
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7 Ways to Catch the LION.
1. Newton's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and oppos
7 Ways to Catch the LION.
1. Newton's Method: Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion .
2. Einstein Method: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
3. Schrodinger Method: At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.
4. Inverse Transformation Method: We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it. Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.
5. Thermodynamic Procedure: We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows every thing to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.
6. Integration Differention Method: Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.
7. The Banta's Method: DON'T EVEN TRY. YOU'LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.
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Banta's Shopping (Sardar Jokes)
Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths's (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Santa to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Banta finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Banta goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Banta comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Banta: "What! This is shit!" Banta calmly replies: "Yes, and I want toilet paper"
Which horse is mine? (Sardar Jokes)
Banta and Santa buy one race horse each after learning about big money in racing. Says Banta, "How do we identify which horse is mine and which one is yours?" Santa Singh replies, "I will cut the tail of my horse and so the horse without a tail will be mine and the one with a tail will be yours." So they cut the tail of the horse. But in the night their naughty kids cut the tail of the other horse too. And the next day.
Banta Singh is worried and says, "I will cut one of the ears of my horse so the horse with one ear will be mine and the other one will be yours." The next night the kids cut the other horses ears too. And so it goes on until the horses lost their ears, eyes, had broken noses etc. And in the end both horses were left only with bare legs and were just barely living. Both Santa and Banta were frustrated.
At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA".
How Many Idlis Can You Eat? (Sardar Jokes)
Once Banta Singh goes to dinner with his friends. Just to have some fun one of his friends asks Banta, "How many Idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". For which Banta answers promptly - "8 idlis". His friends laugh at him and say,nobody can eat 8 idlis when their stomach is empty because when they eat the first idli their stomach would no longer be empty.
Banta enjoys the joke very much and as soon as he comes home calls his wife and asks, "How many idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". She replies - "5 idlis".
Hearing this answer Banta gets furious and replies, "You fool! Had you said 8 idlis I would have told you a good joke!"
Wwe do not sell anything to surds (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh goes into an electrical goods store, you know one of these stores that sells fridges, TVs etc. Santa walks up to the salesman, points and says, "I want to buy this TV." The salesman say, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." So Santa goes away and comes back two hours later after having a haircut, points and says, "I want to buy this TV." The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds." Santa goes away again and comes back two hours later with his beard and moustache also shaved, points, and says, "I want to buy this TV". The salesman once again replies, "Sorry, we do not sell anything to surds, Why are you wasting your and my time? Dont come back in the shop again!"
Santa says sheepishly, "OK, you do not sell to Surds. But tell me how did you figure out that I was a surd even after I had shaved my hair, moustache and beard.
The salesman replied, "Because that TV you want to buy is actually a microwave oven."
Santa Singh in England (Sardar Jokes)
Santa went to England and stayed in hotel. He wanted to go to loo and went the toilet. He could not figure out where to do it so he decided to do it his socks.
He thought that he would throw them later. When he came out he realised that his room did not have any window. There was a small ventilator so he decided to throw the socks through the ventilator. Somehow he missed and the sock got tangled in the fan whic was running and... you know what happened?
Sheepishly he called the room service. Luckily they sent Banta Singh to attend to the call. Santa said, "Please dont tell anyone. I will give you 10 Pounds please clean this mess and dont tell anyone."
Banta replied, "I wont tell anyone. But I will give you 100 Pounds if you tell me how you did it?
Speed Limit (Sardar Jokes)
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five Sikhs - two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver Santa Singh, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I dont understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Sir," the officer replies, "You werent speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" Santa says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, Santa grinned and thanked theofficer for pointing out his error.
"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? these people seem awfully shaken and they havent muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, theyll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." Said Santa.
Is Blinker Working? (Sardar Jokes)
This guy was driving in a car with Santa Singh. He told him to stick his head out the window and see if the blinker worked. Santa stuck her head out and said, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..
Pole Height (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh and Banta Singh get a contract to paint a flagpole. While trying to compute the area, so they'll know how much paint to buy, Santa stands on Banta's shoulders and stretches to reach the top to compute the height. His reach is short by several inches. So, Banta says may be if they switch positions, because he is taller maybe he can touch the top.
While sitting, pondering another approach to computing the area, a weight lifter comes by. Santa and Banta explain their problem. The weightlifter goes over, wrestles the flagpole out of its socket, lays it down, measures it from bottom to top, gives them the figure, then manhandles the flagpole back into its cement socket and walks off.
Santa looks at Banta, then says, "Now isnt that weightlifter awfully stupid! You ask him the height and he gives you the length of the pole!"
Name and Adress (Sardar Jokes)
A cop pulls up Santa and Banta while they are drunk and driving, and says to the Santa, "Whats your name and address?"
"Im Santa Singh, of no fixed address."
The cop turns to the drunk Banta, and asks the same question.
"Im Banta Singh, and I live in the flat above Santa."
Santa's Weight Loss (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh wanted to lose weight desperately and so he consulted a doctor. The doctor told him that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos.
Santa followed the doctors advice and at the end of 300 days, he called the doctor to report that he had actually lost the weight, but had a problem. Whats the problem, asked the doctor?
I am 2400 kilometers away from home.
In Plain English (Sardar Jokes)
Banta Singh told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor decided to do a thorough examination and afterwards Banta said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "your'e just lazy."
"Okay," said Banta. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Santa Banta Fishing (Sardar Jokes)
Santa and Banta rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they had a huge haul of 30 fish. Santa said to Banta, "There is lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here tomorrow."
The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, Santa asked Banta, "Did you mark that spot?" Banta replied, "Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat!"
Santa said, "You fool! What if we dont get that same boat today!?!?"
One Wrong Answer (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at an MNC office in Amritsar.
Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we have decided to give the job to Reddy."
Santa: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong."
Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down I dont know as the answer. And you wrote Neither do I!"
Ring (Sardar Jokes)
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh were out on a romantic evening. She said to him, "Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure" replied Santa "Whats your phone number?"
Car Lock (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh accidentally locked his keys inside his car. He called a mechanic - Banta Singh who arrived and said, "Give me ten minutes and Ill have everything worked out."
Santa went back inside his house and came back after a few minutes. He found Banta working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As Santa watched from the passengers side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," Santa announced to the mechanic, "Its open!"
"I know," answered Banta. "I already opened that side."
Court Trial (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of drunken driving.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order! Order!"
Santa responded immediately, "Thank you, your honour! Ill have a scotch and soda."
TV News (Sardar Jokes)
Santa and Banta were watching the 11:00 news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump to kill himself. The channel cuts for a commercial break.
Santa: I bet you Rs. 200 he is going to jump.
Banta: OK. Im on!
The news is back after the break. And the man jumps from the ledge.
Banta: OK Heres my Rs 200.
Santa: No, that was too easy. I cant take it.
Banta: I insist. I lost.
Santa: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasnt really fair. I wont take the money.
Banta: Thats OK! I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didnt think he would be stupid enough to jump twice!
Santa's Cleverness (Sardar Jokes)
Santa Singh bought two tickets to Connaught Place from Tilak Nagar in a DTC bus in Delhi. The conductor was a bit surprised as he could not see anyone with Santa.
Conductor: "Oye Sardaran! Why do you need two tickets? You are travelling alone?"
Santa Singh: "Dont you know.. pick-pocketing is common on buses... so I will keep one ticket in my shirts left pocket and the other in my right! So even if a pickpocket gets at one of my pockets, I will still have a ticket and will not travel without ticket!"
Conductor: "What if a pickpocket gets both your pockets?"
Santa Singh takes out his wallet from his pant pocket: "I have a monthly pass also!"
Conductor: "And if someone gets your pant pockets also.. then what.. then you will be fined for travelling without ticket!!"
Santa Singh puts his hand inside his shirt and displays his ID card (hanging with a chain around his neck) and says with a cunning smile: "Phir sadda DTC staff hone ka kya fayada!"
Santa Banta Scuba Diving (Sardar Jokes)
One day Santa was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. Suddenly he noticed Banta at the same depth, but without any scuba gear.
Surprised, Santa went down another 20 feet, but Banta joined him a few minutes later. Santa went 25 feet deeper, but minutes later, Banta was with him. This confused Santa, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "Oye, how come you are able to swim so deep without any scuba gear?"
Banta took the board and chalk and replied, "Khotte de puttar, cant you see! Asee doob rahe hain! Im drowning!"
Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai? (Sardar Jokes)
Santa was driving his brand new Porsche on a highway in Australia (speed limit of 110 kmph) when suddenly Banta came alongside in his brand new Ferrari. Banta said, Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!! and sped away.
Santa was a bit annoyed and pushed his foot down. The car sped to 120 kmph and overtook Banta. But after a few minutes Banta again came alongside. And Banta said, Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!! and again sped away.
Santa increased his speed to 130 kmph and again overtook Banta. And again Banta came alongside within a few minutes. Banta said, Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!! before speeding away.
And so it went until Santa realised that he was now travelling at 200 kmph, well above the speed limit. He decided to act wise and slow down and let Banta act crazy. And then he noticed in his mirror that Banta had crashed into the bushes.
Santa stopped and went upto Banta with a smile thinking it was now time for him to ridicule Banta. He asked with sarcasm, Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!!
Banta replied with dismay, Nahee chalayee hai. Tabhi to pucch raha tha, ki BREAK kithhon hai...
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